It’s strange to suddenly be hoping for a bm, but that’s what I’d been doing for over half an hour, when I finally decided to do the cortenema.

Sadly, I wasn’t able to retain it for even two minutes, unless you count the slow administration time. I blame this mucus-riddled blood and bile, which was building up in the wings. The base of my rectum feels sore, though it’s hard to tell if it’s in response to the med, or to the applicator tip. It’s also possible that it’s a “good” sore, like the 24hr raw feeling of a sore throat that’s finally healed enough to shed it’s coating of mucus and damaged cells.

Also , forgot to mention that I did my first recent cortenema last night, with only slightly better retention.

An hour or so ago, unusually urgent (ended up having to change my boxers, but otherwise held it long enough), given how “slow” it was to get out overall. Probable b mixed in, but couldn’t tell for sure.

A nice 30 min. bath/nap, followed another forty min. nap in bed. Ahhh.

2 iron, one of each brand henceforth. (Minor bet hedging.)

118lb.

Blood sugar: 128.

Minor c2p.

I’ve been healing. There’s far less overall urgency to my bms, I believe there’s less bleeding, and if it weren’t for straying off-path, I think I’d still be down in the 4-to-5-a-day range, if not lower. And my energy has been very good since a couple of days past my hospital discharge.

Yes, I’ve been healing, but not. Fast. Enough.

Having just calculated how many days I’ve been out of the hospital, I see that, according to The Plan, I’ve got just one week to prove that my body’s on a consistently positive route toward remission. If not, then, well, I could renege and extend my trial run, or it’s time to pick a surgeon.

What this means in terms of concrete action isn’t entirely clear. The first thing that Theresa and I have determined is that I need to put aside my new-found ability to accomplish shit (I’ve been kicking ass with errands and organizing and emails and…all thanks to TPN + blood infusion energy), er, where was I? Oh yeah. Time to put aside scattered activities and act henceforth with one question in my mind at all times: is what I’m doing right now helping my colon heal?

With concentrated mindfulness, I think I can make great strides this week. Starting with getting to sleep right now (boy I’ve been pathetic about bedtimes), and a cortenema when I wake up.

2/7/09: 10.

Darker worm.